A vicious cycle of comparison and self-judgement. That small biting voice in my head, telling me “that’s not good enough”, “if only you…” until I begin to subtract myself from this equation called life and reduce myself to what the enemy wants me to believe… because at the end of the day… comparison will kill you.
I leave that social event and sit with my feet on the dashboard of the car, analysing my every action, my thoughts ridiculing me, shrinking me smaller and smaller until I am but a speck of dust floating in front of the windscreen. I lie in bed at night, an Instagram feed scrolling through my head, again, shrinking me smaller and smaller until I am just a stray feather from the pillow below my head.
The voice that tells me “NO” with every outfit that I wear, the voice that never stops whispering as I try to focus on the good. Try to focus on anything BUT what it is saying.
I find myself criticising and comparing myself not only to others, but to the possibility of what I could be.
“from my disenchantment with what is, I become enchanted with what might be”
Until I wake up and look at myself in the mirror, and I don’t just make space for the small voice of insecurity, but I allow the grand and all-encompassing yet still and soft voice of my Father to come and drown out the negativity. I am filled with His assurance, filled with His recognition, filled with His promises and adoration as my shrunken soul becomes bigger and bigger, my heart standing firm on what He says about me, until the whispering voice of the enemy becomes nothing but a memory and I begin to believe the truth again.
I am beautiful
I am strong
I am loved
I am chosen
I am forgiven
I am called
I am treasured
I am capable
I am princess
I am daughter
I am seen
I am courageous
I am free
I am worth dying for
I am HIS
So friends, this is my prayer for you… that you would not allow that whisper to become greater than the voice of Truth.
Words hold the power of life and death (Proverbs 18:21)
And you have a choice: declare death, or declare those promises over yourself – allowing His truth become your narrative.
I have a lot more on this topic I would love to share, so if you would like a part two, let me know