Rhythms of Grace

Hello dear friends,

Again, here I am popping in after another six months of no writing haha – I have been very much on the treadmill of doing – I am (slowly) learning to slow down.

This year has been interesting. It has comprised much unravelling of beliefs, pain and healing, and coming to terms with the reality that what I had thought was concrete in the future may just have been a desire – and that is okay. I have felt pulled from every direction – towards striving, towards isolation, towards focus on the trivial things, towards the internal turmoil that is existentialism and I have wrestled against becoming a little too focused on any of the above. I have found a church. It is different to what I am used to. But I am thankful for the slightly mismatched community that is people coming together with maybe only one commonality – Jesus. I am thankful for teaching; I am thankful for liturgy which reminds me that even in tradition the presence of the Lord can be deeply encountered.

Today, I would like to take you to the one theme that has been constantly tugging at my heartstrings this year. So much so, I have one of the words written in almost indistinguishable cursive on my fridge – sanctification. And holiness.

I have been absolutely slapped in the face this year with my ignorance to the allure that is the world. I have existed in a cocoon of naivete and safety from the realities of what happens outside of my grandma-esque lifestyle for too long. And while this may have been a blessing to 16-year-old Tilly, I have experienced a different sort of culture shock this year.

2023 has been a year where I have felt every possible distraction clamouring for my attention. From over-exercising to materialism, to men, to maybe a little too much screen time or an extra glass of wine – my brain has felt like an echo chamber of temptation. Leading to analysis of the things that may not explicitly be deemed as ‘bad’ or sinful but sure do not lead me to the feet of Jesus.

While I definitely do not have it all figured out (in the slightest), I do have some thoughts.

I have been re-reading The Crucified Life by A.W. Tozer – it is brilliant and convicting and I highly recommend it. In a chapter on discontentment with the status quo, he draws on the Israelites in the wilderness, explaining that despite the miracles the Lord provided for them in the desert, they continued to focus on all the externalities that led them to walking in circles for decades. I so see myself in this – seeking the answers to “life” in everything external when Jesus says, “For whosoever will save his life shall lose it, but whosoever will lose his life for my sake and the gospel’s shall save it. For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?” (Mark 8:35-36) The answers are found only in Christ. Direction is found in Him alone.

And it is in this desire to glean from him, to be so very close that I come to the topic of holiness.

John Bevere states that fear of the Lord is not being scared of God, it is being scared of being away from Him. This feels truer than ever. Am I prepared to forsake the richness of closeness with him for the sake of earthly satisfaction?

I am learning that holiness, in its truest sense, is a pathway to his presence – it is the Romans 12, lay-your-life-down kind of worship. It does not come through worldly asceticism, through the ‘appearance’ of holiness (Col 2:23) but through the realignment of our focus and affection unto Christ (2 Cor 3:18).

What we look at is what we will eventually become.

Thus, sanctification does not look like striving, rules and regulations – as much of a disillusioned generation has been led to believe. It looks like surrender – to the fact that I could never do it alone. It looks like the reality of holding all the things of the world lightly, of the humility in realising that by works, I will never be enough. It is the continual coming to the feet of Jesus in repentance; it is transformation, learning to become ever attentive to his Spirit, and allowing him to form me into his image. It looks like discipline when there is an easy way out.

Practically, holiness looks prayer – unscripted, messy.
It looks like reading of the Word, opening it up when it is the last thing you want to do.
It is remaining unwavering in the face of opposition or temptation to partake of the things your discernment tells you to run from.
It looks like confession – committing to community and accountability that may be uncomfortable – but is safe, and loving and points you in the direction of Jesus, over and above making you feel good.

I know the darkness that comes with misaligned focus, and glory placed on the things that are not of God. And I know the fullness that comes with keeping in step with the Holy Spirit – I never want to forsake that. I am thankful for his forgiveness in these moments, and yet I grieve after the lost seasons when his voice could have been that much clearer.

I do not really know exactly why I am writing this, I guess it is to implore you to remain focused, ever alert, ever sober-minded, eyes fixed steadily on your Creator. Stay attuned to your internal thermostat – are you on fire for Jesus? Or have you allowed the cold droplets of distraction to turn you lukewarm? How is this reflecting in your day-to-day? Life with him is sweet, he is oh so extremely kind– and his faithfulness is incomprehensible. Seek him and you will find all of these things – peace, and grace, and joy in abundance.

And friend, if you don’t desire him, ask. We cannot in and of ourselves conjure up empty feelings of needing the Lord. I understand that in today’s ‘DIY’ culture, the concept of neediness can be foreign. But our recognition of our need for dependence upon him, and thus our desire for relationship is instilled within us by the Lord. A concept called prevenient grace; he is gracious enough to develop within us a desire for himself.

“So then, let us not be like others, who are asleep, but let us be awake and sober. For those who sleep, sleep at night, and those who get drunk, get drunk at night. But since we belong to the day, let us be sober, putting on faith and love as a breastplate, and the hope of salvation as a helmet. For God did not appoint us to suffer wrath but to receive salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ. He died for us so that, whether we are awake or asleep, we may live together with him. Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.”

1 Thessalonians 5:6-11 (NIV)

Jesus is coming for a Bride that is close – resolute and steadfast in living according to His Word.

My prayer is that holiness would no longer be the justification for judgment, but rather the foundation upon which encouragement and building up would occur – the assured yet humble stance that brings us before our King and empowers us to lead others in the same direction. I pray that what used to conjure up emotions triggered by the pain of religiosity, would become the safe space where in the secret place with Jesus, we realise his desire is not to limit us, but to cover us and give us the parameters by which big, beautiful, God-filled life can be experienced.

My prayers are with you all.

All my love xx

Tilly