My friend, Jesus.

While the world has geared towards productivity these last few weeks, the Church has geared towards spending more time getting to know Jesus. Getting to know the Word. Delving into new depths of relationship with Him. While time spent in devotion with our Saviour is imperative to our growth in relationship with Him, I’m going to be real… I found myself trying to measure up to a certain image I had conjured up of what devotion actually meant. Hours spent in the Word. Commentaries, tick boxes of prayer, praise, worship, thanksgiving. While simultaneously ignoring the fact that Jesus actually just wanted to get to spend time with me- the me that actually may feel confused, the me that is dealing with a little bit of loneliness. The me that has “stuff” that may need to be dealt with, not quite in the box of an hour and a half bible study. The reality is, even if I thought I was checking off all the boxes of what a “good lockdown christian” is (ha)- good intentions can quickly turn to religiosity. The opposite of what Jesus longs for. The opposite of what satisfies our souls.

I have also found it funny that the lack of people in these past weeks (something we can all attest to) has left within me a longing for deeper relationships. As someone who thinks pretty deeply and actually doesn’t mind my own company, I have found it increasingly simple to isolate myself; four days into not much more conversation than absolutely required, looking at myself realising “Oh. I’m kinda lonely”.

Consequently, regardless of how I have needed people, these slight pangs of loneliness have ultimately culminated to an overwhelming realisation of JUST HOW MUCH I NEED MY FRIEND JESUS.

And oh what a friend I’ve found x

So my friends, I just thought I would share with you a little ramble from my journal. I guess it’s not supposed to be eloquent. Nor is it supposed to be entirely profound. But let me tell you, as I have I returned to a place of friendship with Him, the voids I have experienced have been (and will continue to be) filled.

So. Here ya go.
“I want to be friends with You”

I want to be friends with You
To have conversations long into the night
To desire your nearness with all that I am.

I want to be friends with You
To do the seasons together
To feel Your embrace in the winter
To dance with You in the spring.

I want to be friends with You
To sit and eat together
Until the fire turns to embers
And conversation drifts to goodnights.

I want to be friends with You
To fall apart before You
To show You the mess.

I want to be friends with You
To wake up with You by my side
To fall asleep to the whispers of Your heart for me.

My Jesus, I want to be friends with You
To belly laugh with You
To gush about the wonders of the Father with You.

I want to be friends with you
To never have to say goodbye
To never have to explain
I can just look into Your grace- healed eyes and find clarity.

I want to be friends with You, Jesus
To hear your heart for this world
To hear what hurts your soul
To see your sense of humour
And rejoice in the moments you do.

I want to be friends with you Jesus
That when I finally lay down to rest
You are right there beside me
– into my forever.

I love you my Jesus
Thank you for being my friend.

Amen.

LOVE

Matilda

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